l often wander in the passageways of my mind. It is there, l revisit experience, gather fact, truth and sometimes meet unimaginable pain and regret.
Yesterday l boarded the Mind Train. It was southbound to the snow haven, Memory City which lies in the Eastern Parts of Golgotha. l planned on visiting the small town Growing Pains and later walking Purpose Boulevard.
I quickly left the station and briskly walked toward Steward Avenue. The snow was heavy and the breeze whistled right through my clothing. It was a heavily congested Avenue as everyone brushed shoulders.
Right within my field of view, was a policeman. Sharp looking fellow. I tried to get his attention, in the hope of finding my way. He ignored me….A few moments later, l hurriedly walked over to the park opposite Steward Avenue. I had the hope of finding a map before l froze over. I ran through the park and came to a halt by the WHY Fountain. I sat down short of breath.
There lay a Jewish paper; headline read“Golgotha Times”. It illustrated a story, with the subheading“Stewards of esteemed tradition”. l sat and looked back toward Steward Avenue sniffing tears. With blurred vision and teary eyes l sighed… and read…
(…Moments later after reading….)
Anxiety suddenly lay its hand on me. The air became tense and my vision pixellated. The room wherein l had myself put, shook and the walls of thought began to close in. It was within the horror of that moment l woke myself. Immediately, l shut that door in my mind and fled that God forsaken city.
And so Today the morning after that, l sat by my bedside. The clock had struck 08:30, yes late l know. But before l caught sleep last night l had covered myself in blankets, having unmasked the phantoms of my past. It is no use covering a body and yet having an open soul. Pain is rarely external.
I thought all the whys’ in life had been frozen by that fountain, but like the snow on that day, it was only seasonal. There will come a time when it will thaw and again as l face Steward Avenue, seeking Purpose Boulevard, l will not have anywhere to rest but by that fountain.
So l spoke to a friend of mine and he remarked “l love your writings, if only you could show a bit of empathy”. I took it to heart and the result was within the Jewish Paper l had read by the fountain (Stewards of Esteemed Tradition) it had two stories;
- First: the Lost Soul of Empathy
- Unmitigated Goal (Centurions and other Darkness)
Stewards of Esteemed Tradition
The background to the story was rather something l had not seen coming. The author seemed to propose that the headline Golgotha was the life source and all the following subjects where tributaries from a greater river. Wherein he gave its meaning to be The place of the Skull. The author introduced himself as Dr. Luke. That to me was appealing enough. A man of education surely would speak sense.
He began telling a story as any good eye-witness would. A vivid account. He described a man Beautiful in Soul and humble in Spirit. He gave him the Heart of a Lamb and the Spirit of God. His presentation was so thrilling he even described him as absolute divinity, ”Messainic”!
I thought to myself here in the cold and sitting by the WHY fountain what am l to gain by such vivid accounts of Messiah’s’? I was ready to shoot this story down till the Dr in his presentation gave a quote from his friend, a tax official by the name Matthew.
matthew 27:46 And about the ninth hour Jesus cried with a loud voice, saying, Eli, Eli, lama sabachthani? that is to say, My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me?
It was in the presentation of that quote, that a brick hit my soul, mind and conscience and before l could master myself l broke down in anxiety. I had been denied direction by the policeman in Steward Avenue and in the freezing cold asking why, l found another in my place.
It was there in recollection l understood the story was not entirely new. Falling therefore, to my weakness l sobbed as l descended onto the snowy pathway. Memory played in those last moments. What Steward would lead a man like Jesus to a place of being Forsaken. The policeman was standing in Steward Avenue but here l was fighting for dear life.
The Pharisees, unlike the policeman, led Jesus Christ to the cross. The depressing presentation of solitude is in his asking Why? A moment where l can relate. What is the purpose of Gods’ strength if he can not bear my weakness. I began to see the stewards of religion at the time and how they loved to see his suffering and agony by the cross. As he hung there asking Why?
I implore you to consider that in our daily walk we have but a limited understanding of who God is. If he could allow such questions to stem by the fountain of Jesus’ Purpose and Walk, what would hurt him if we did likewise. Yes it is okay to ask why. However in asking why, Jesus did not jump off the cross in disobedience, and even in our why moments, may we not jump of the cross where our saviour is, in disobedience but wait. For the resurrection is 3 days away.
Lost soul of Empathy
I fear being vulnerable and so l hide my empathy. Because when you are dying on a cross, sometimes the darkness will fall, and the ground will shake. When darkness falls, you can not see the stewards from the saints. Empathy becomes an expense. Unfortunately it sounds good but it’s not a verse in the bible. We are called to be light in the darkness, not man of self-preservation. Light can only shine in darkness.
Unmitigated Goal (centurions and other darkness)
Thereafter death follows on the cross, Golgotha is still not merciful.Therein Dr Luke’s account, a centurion would thrust a spear by Jesus’ side to perform an unconvectional autopsy. There had to be a satisfaction of death even after it was evident.
l lost my empathy in a bid to protect myself from stewards. Jesus Christ magnified his in order to save me
He sought not to save his life but became vulnerable that by his sacrifice l may know peace.
Even now l understand he knows my pain for he knew without going through it, l would not be convinced he understands
He in darkness was forsaken of God as he became sin, l in Light Through Him will never be left nor forsaken of God.
And as his death had to be confirmed , so shall my conversion in him be affirmed.
I have fears and pains l struggle facing, it was my Golgotha (A place in the Skull), and that’s where l lay it all down. Now l know peace and healing because l have seen His Golgotha, and died there with him.
I end with these words
4.Surely He has borne our griefs
And carried our sorrows;
Yet we esteemed Him stricken,
Smitten by God, and afflicted.
5 But He was wounded for our transgressions,
He was bruised for our iniquities;
The chastisement for our peace was upon Him,
And by His stripes we are healed.
6 All we like sheep have gone astray;
We have turned, every one, to his own way;
And the Lord has laid on Him the iniquity of us all.
7 He was oppressed and He was afflicted,
Yet He opened not His mouth;
He was led as a lamb to the slaughter,
And as a sheep before its shearers is silent,
So He opened not His mouth.
8 He was taken from prison and from judgment,
And who will declare His generation?
For He was cut off from the land of the living;
For the transgressions of My people He was stricken.
9 And they[a] made His grave with the wicked—
But with the rich at His death,
Because He had done no violence,
Nor was any deceit in His mouth.
10 Yet it pleased the Lord to bruise Him;
He has put Him to grief.
When You make His soul an offering for sin,
He shall see His seed, He shall prolong His days,
And the pleasure of the Lord shall prosper in His hand.